


A Text from Heaven

by Spark_Writer



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst and Humor, Dialogue-Only, Friendship, M/M, platonic Johnlock with a smidgeon of romantic Johnlock
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-30
Updated: 2013-10-30
Packaged: 2017-12-30 22:11:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1023970
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spark_Writer/pseuds/Spark_Writer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is dead and finds himself shockingly in heaven. Bored with the puffy clouds and pure hearted people, he texts John to pass the time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Text from Heaven

It is exquisitely boring up here.

SH

...

No crimes in Heaven, apparently.

SH

...

I wish I had been condemned to eternal damnation.

SH

...

Anything would be better than cohabitating with this obedient lot. 

Good people are so tedious, John.

SH

...

Bored.

SH

...

I wish I could speak to you.

SH

...

Met Galileo last Tuesday. 

Did you know that centripetal force causes the acceleration measured on the rotating surface of Earth to differ from the acceleration that is measured for a free-falling body? 

Fascinating. 

SH

...

What would happen if a person ingested a mixture of equal parts nitric acid and olive oil?

You would know.

SH

...

I met your mother this morning.

I'm sorry, John.

SH

...

Winston Churchill keeps bothering me.

SH

...

Wants me to tell him about our adventures at Baskerville. 

SH

...

This man is far too persistent, John.

SH

...

He reminds me of you.

SH

...

Bored.

SH

...

I miss solving crimes.

SH

...

Is Scotland Yard still tragically inept?

Tell Lestrade I think of him.

SH

...

The stars were beautiful last night. I hope you saw them.

SH

...

You look tired, John. 

If you end up here anytime soon I shall have to kill you.

SH

...

Tesco's has discontinued your favourite flavour of jam. Idiots.

If I was still Down There I would write them a very stern letter expressing my distaste.

SH

...

Do you like clouds? 

I never asked.

SH

...

I need somewhere quiet to get away from everyone. People keep finding me and thanking me for solving the murder that caused their death.

Somewhat vexing. 

SH

...

John. I miss you horribly.

SH

...

Jim Morrison and Antonio Vivaldi kept me up last night with their endless orchestral rock duets.

SH

...

I really ought to track Bach down sometime and express my admiration.

SH

...

Thank you for polishing my violin. 

It looks superb.

SH

...

I miss it.

SH

...

Was told Anderson got sacked.

About time.

SH

...

I wish I had been there.

SH

...

Bored.

SH

...

I'm glad you met Mary, John. You seem happier.

SH

...

Really? You took her to dinner and a cinema on your first date? How cliché.

SH

...

I'm only teasing. You and I both know that I possess the romantic capability of an aardvark.

SH

...

I asked God if I could visit Hell. I was denied the opportunity. 

SH

...

Would have been so interesting, though. Imagine the murders!

SH

...

Mycroft looks old. I wonder if I will be seeing him soon. 

His cake obsession really has gotten out of hand. 

SH

...

She wants to marry you, John. Ask her. She'll say yes.

Anyone would.

SH

...

Stop doubting yourself. I don't like it.

SH

...

You really don't recognize your own goodness, do you?

SH

...

Things are about to become more interesting, John. Hell is overcrowded. God has decided to send a few people up here.

I do hope they are very uncouth and impolite. Nothing would be more welcome after spending so much time with the pure at heart.

SH

...

Met an angel yesterday.

SH

...

Named Castiel, I believe.

SH

...

You would have enjoyed him.

SH

...

Have you heard of the Winchester's?

Castiel told me about them. They're from America. Demon hunters, apparently.

SH

...

Why does that strike me as being so very American?

SH

...

Heard you got married. 

I'm happy for you, John. 

SH

...

Sorry I could not be there.

SH

...

I really must stop apologizing for being dead.

SH

...

It is one of those inevitabilities I will never fully accept.

SH

...

Met your father. Very kind man.

Like his son.

SH

...

One can play quite a lot of hangman in Heaven. There is too much time, John, and then there is not enough.

SH

...

I miss you and your jumpers that smelled of Earl Grey.

I miss your uncanny ability for stating the obvious.

SH

...

I'm glad you haven't stopped writing. You've become so good.

SH

...

I don't belong here.

SH

...

I wasn't meant to watch the world go round from some higher place.

I was meant to be down in it, getting my hands dirty, using my mind and my senses and my observations until they turn to dust.

SH

...

Met with Father today. He is as coldly unctuous in death as he was in life.

I am repulsed.

SH

...

It seems you have decided not to have children. I wonder why. You would have made a good father.

SH

...

Heaven is getting on my nerves. I hope I never see you here, John. And yet I do. 

So much.

SH

...

Do you remember that time I dragged you along to look for traces of blood around the perimeter of a duck pond? You were irritated with me so you gave me the slightest of shoves, just enough to make me stumble into the muddy water.

SH

...

And you laughed and laughed, even as I glared at you. You seemed so pleased with yourself, John. Then you hauled me out and offered to switch shoes, and there was something about that, something about the way you managed to poke fun at me without a single ounce of venom that I never forgot.

SH

...

I need a cigarette.

SH

...

John, there are so many things I should have said. 

SH

...

You were the only friend I ever had.

SH

...

I did not deserve you. 

SH

...

Thank you, anyway.

SH

...

For everything.

SH

...

Mycroft arrived last night. He is still worryingly pudgy.

SH

...

There is no cake in Heaven.

SH

...

He won't be happy when I tell him.

SH

...

Shakespeare says hello.

SH

...

I am so bored, John. I miss you. 

SH

...

I can't find one goddamn cigarette in this divine establishment. 

No nicotine patches, either.

Greg isn't going to last a day here.

SH

...

Met with Mummy. She cried.

I don't understand it.

SH

...

Wish you would hurry up. But please don't come too quickly.

SH

...

I like to believe that death had made me better, but it seems only to have made me sentimental.

I resent it, John.

SH

...

You are getting old. How marvelous.

If only I had gotten the chance.

SH

...

Bored.

SH

...

Mrs Hudson is constantly worried that her husband will escape from Hell and come find her.

I am doing my best to quiet her fears.

I wish you were here, John. I'm not good at this.

SH

...

Being an old man doesn't suit you.

It's nearly time.

SH

...

You are my best friend; did I ever tell you that?

Truly.

SH

...

Stubborn to the last, aren't you?

I suppose I love you anyway.

SH

...

You are done fighting, my dear John.

Come home.

SH


End file.
